Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
