DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
