why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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