I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
