Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
