I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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