It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
