I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
