i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
