tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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