Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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