Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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