Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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