We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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