why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
