I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
