He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your penis caused this!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
