Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Less talking, more tequila
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
