why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize