mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
