Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I FOUND THE LEGS
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