I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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