It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
