Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
