he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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