I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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