She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
