I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
