it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
