The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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