My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize