All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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