if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
