TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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