I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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