A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
