I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
