I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
