"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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