too bad you live with your parents still
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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