sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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