I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
