You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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