So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
