You can't motorboat a personality
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
