I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
