just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
