i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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