his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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