you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
