Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
tell me about the eggs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
