come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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