making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
