Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
