found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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