Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
