the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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