went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I want is dick and wine.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
