I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
this hospital has no fireball
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
