he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ruined the universe
Randomize
