apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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