how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
