How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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