false alarm. still invincible.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
