as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
