apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
