please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Someone came in the potted fern
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize